Let me share a minor incident with you that happened a few months ago. I visited a branded clothing store with my friend as she wanted to buy a pair of jeans for herself. After looking for about an hour, she found nothing that she liked enough to buy straight away, but unexpectedly she ended up buying a pair. So you must be wondering why did she buy it when she didn’t like it? Because she couldn’t say no. In this situation, it cost her only finances, but in the long run, the ability to say no can cost us physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially.
It’s just a two-letter word, but why is it so difficult to say no? I think we all have been in a situation when we said yes unwilling just to avoid an awkward movement or just trying not to hurt someone’s feelings or just don’t want others to conceive you as selfish. What will the other person think if I deny? But just think once about yourself. Just imagine if you come back all tired from work, but your friend wants to go partying and you cannot deny it. She has a great evening but you drain yourself of all your energy and when you reach home; you have a pile of unattended work. The word “yes” is life-changing, but we end up saying it too often to keep going with the flow. The art of saying no is a life skill that can save you a load of trouble and effort.
One of the most obvious reasons we say yes is the fear of disappointing or hurting others. But you are not responsible for anyone else’s reaction. We need not be flexible every time. Sometimes it’s good for your self-esteem to set limits on yourself. Going around agreeing to everything can make you feel alone and miserable. It’s appreciable to show care for others, but no to the extent that we ignore our genuine desires. The thought that nobody cares for your efforts and they don’t love you for your efforts can break you mentally. It is you who has to take care of yourselves. The person you are trying to please already has his/her priorities. If they can do that, why can’t you?
You don’t have to justify yourself for saying no. Once you learn to say no, you realize that more than trying to please themselves, it’s important, to be honest, and respectful towards others. It is not unusual to feel overwhelmed by our thoughts like “What am I going to say?” “Will that excuse be enough?”. These thoughts occupy our heads so much that we end up overthinking. But actually, you don’t think to think so much over this. Sometimes you may have to explain, but most of the time the person understands your point of view and accepts your “NO” on a positive note.
Learn to show love to yourself and you understand that saying no is not a rocket science! Start doing things that make you genuinely happy rather than doing something out of your comfort zone. In our efforts to appeal to others, we end up doing things we never wanted to in the first place. Showing others that you are always available to make people take advantage of you. Don’t hesitate in rejecting a proposal you dislike. Sometimes silence is the best answer. You need not answer everything. The only person you are to be accountable to is to yourself.
It is a fact that everyone can not like you and you need not push yourself to do so. Making others happy and taking their opinions comes secondary, the primary concern is to set up your priorities and work accordingly. If you don’t give importance to yourself, no one else will.
‘Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough’ – Josh Billings